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When you’re not picked for the team

The detox decade has been a massive learning curve for me. I’m a personal growth junkie and I will read until I understand. I will put myself in the shoes of another to ensure I know what I am speaking about. I will listen twice as much as I speak to ensure I get the nuances of the language, the real message being told not the surface message.

These are techniques I learned from my coaching program at the Coaches Training Institute several years ago.  They are also something I’ve noticed that other people like me seem able to do.

“Other people like me” in this case refers to folks who, I have come to know, didn’t get picked for the team when they were younger.  Yup I was that kid.

I hated sports when I was a kid. Actually I hated school mostly because I seemed to be that awkward kid who couldn’t keep up with all the others no matter how hard I tried. I was clumsy and slow despite practising and practising.

Ugh…the days when we had to play a team sport like baseball or soccer I’d want to just go home because I knew I’d be the last one that got picked to be on a team. Standing on the field, watching as each captain picked their star players, their aces and then the ‘you’ll do” players and then me…the very last one…every single time. Ouch. The kids would complain that they had to have me on their team. I just wanted to hide and eventually, because they said I was so bad, I gave up trying to be good.

Now, in my sixties, I see how this has impacted my life. In my world I have come to believe the following. I’m not a joiner but I am a doer. I start things. I have always started things and I realize now that it’s because, if I couldn’t be picked for a team, I’d start my own f***ing team and I’d get to be the leader.  I’d sacrifice, I’d give up every ounce of my time to be that leader but it felt like that was the only thing I could do to be accepted. 

I’m exhausted thinking about all of this now. I’m so ready to glow with the flow of what my life is. I’m so ready to be part of whatever comes my way.

I have two huskies and I watch them play in our yard. They don’t worry about being part of a team when they are together.  They’re sisters and have never been separated. I love that. They know how their relationships work with each other. They don’t worry about who did better or worse: they just be…happy, silly, tired, tails wagging and tongues hanging out after a run in the heat and they’re just perfect.

Put a harness on them and attach them to a dog sled and they’re entirely different. They understand their jobs, they don’t bicker about position, they have a job to do and they get it done. I love watching them this way too. They’re just perfectly happy doing what they do best.

You know what they’ve taught me? It’s ok to go it alone sometimes. It’s also ok to be part of a team. Team work makes the dream work. Time to start working on the dream! 

 

The Detox Decade

We’re back. It’s been quite a long time since I’ve felt inspired enough to want to share with you. Or maybe it’s because I wasn’t sure I had anything to say that you’d want to hear.

I’m not one to look back at ruminate about stuff. I’m too old to even remember half the stuff I’m supposedly mad about. However, I did realize that it’s been a ten year stretch since I first began writing publicly. Sharing my voice with others was fun and scary and left me open to criticism, sometimes harsh, that caused me to recede back into the shadows.

The lessons:

Don’t take anything personally.

No offence but you’re not in my life so stop acting like you know how I live and who I am supposed to be. I’m doing this the best I can. I muddle, I mess up and and I fall flat on my face… a LOT, but I get back up and start again.

This is going to be a messy blog so if you don’t like mess stop reading now. For real. I won’t apologize and I won’t back down and I sure as hell hope you won’t either. Let’s make a mess together ok?

Ten years…a lot has happened.

Why the Detox Decade? I realized recently that we left our family home ten years ago. We moved to a place I loved but hubby did not so we moved again, this time with two husky puppies in tow. Those moves led to the departure of several friends but I didn’t know it at the time.

The new move led us to a beautifully crafted home in the quiet of the county. It was super pretty and super lonely and so, we packed up again and found a little home suitable for all of us in an up and coming resort town.

I learned about losing friends, physically and spiritually. I learned the value of a true friend and found out just how hard it is to release those toxic ones. Funny that I hadn’t even realized I was being poisoned but I was. Leaving led room for more positive relationships, closer ties with people who mattered. A cleanse of the soul if you will.

We started really learning about growing organic food, using heritage seeds and applying old school principles like using rain water and planting for butterflies and birds on our front yard. Grass is over rated and needs to be maintained. Give me the birds, bees and butterflies who pollinate my yard any day of the week. A physical detox, ridding our bodies of toxins, began here and continues. It is a life long lesson.

I began a journey with Oprah and her new network, OWN. That led to many amazing adventures spiritually. She, and her team, are soul lifters and life teachers. We’ve been on a journey for years and  I continue to learn.  A spiritual detox began with these lessons. Forgiveness, not for the other but for me, being willing to be vulnerable, being seen and seeing the other with eyes, and heart, wide open. This is the stuff of life.

You’ll hear mention of my business from time to time here. I’m an Arbonne consultant and I believe in teaching women how to level the playing field financially. Did you know women put in more hours at the corporate level and earn less money? Did you know many women, if they live past 80, are expected to live below the poverty level? Does that make you angry? It does me and that’s why I’m an Arbonne consultant. A financial detox may be in order in your life as it was mine.

I hope to continue to learn. I hope to continue to teach. I am grateful you are here on this journey with me.

Namaste,

Jan